Haemophobia

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Blood, I smell

Iron, faded and rusty

Woozy, makes me faint

My head blares and thumps

Makes me queasy

My surroundings tremble

I quiver, with unknown tremor

Everything fades, becomes paler

My inner being, trying to wilt away

To escape the panic

My head begins to weigh a tonne

The picture fades out, lightening

I fall, frozen, cold

Lazy

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Lazy, sluggish

Don’t feel like moving a bone

Piles of heaped work

Undone, waiting to be dusted

Yawn, again

The blankets so alluring

Calling me to kip all over again

Forget work

A little catnap, no harm

The work can stay

My indolent eyelids can’t

There’s always a tomorrow

Am pulling my sheets back

To my endless dreamless siesta

Yawn.

Attempt failed

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I try to fake it

Try to make myself believe

That it’s okay

That it’s fine, and I don’t care

But it hurts

Cuts me deep

Like I’m bleeding inside

I want to run

Somewhere I can expel

Tears build up inside

But they don’t like to roll down

They agree with me

They know I don’t like to look feeble

But I am, aren’t I?

I wish I had something to clutch

To embrace my rumpling self

But again

I look like a masochist

Who would even notice?

Can’t stop

fountain pen writing on paper

I’m high

My pen won’t stop

It wants to write

Anything

Everything

Like I got this music

That won’t stop

Won’t stop getting me more high

I’m high already

Madness pumping, screaming

Like a crazy child

No reason, no situation, no inspiration

Just a string, a continuous string

Haphazardly, jumbling, all over the place

Can’t collect them all

But some are finding their way through