What is it this time?
What did I do?
Wasn’t I being sweet?
Perfect and all that you wanted
I did all that I can
Gave up my true self
Faked it
So that you would stay
I tried my best
But like everytime
You left
No reason
No message
Just like that
Is it you?
Is it me?
Clothed in trendy outfits
Or boring saggy clothes
Caked in tonnes of make up
Or nothing at all
Laughing with teeth within
Or tight lipped with no emotions
Talking out loud
Or hiding in the shadows
Screaming
Or silent cries
We camouflage
We mingle
That’s how we hide
Your mouth is a sharp knife
Every whisper you make
Slicing my heart
Every sound you utter
Cutting me deep
You speak
Slashing once more
My wounds are gushing again
I bleed
Shut the hell up
Please
Let me heal
The bottle of fragrance
Rich
Exquisitely delicate
Intricate patterns on the glass
Smells like heaven they said
Lies
Spilled
Shattered pieces of glass
Vaporized and diffused
Not anymore special
Why keep running?
Why so disappointed?
If they don’t see what’s in you
If they can’t bother to acknowledge your existence
If they keep forgetting
Or don’t remember anything in the first place
They don’t care or bother
Don’t value
Don’t recognize you even
Admit it
You may need it
You may be needy
When the odds aren’t in your favor
Or nothing at all is on your side
Why keep repeating the same thing?
Why always?
When you know it won’t come to you
Or it’s not yours at all, maybe
Why waste your heartbeat?
Thumping loud out of your chest
Why break to an endless paranoia?
When they don’t even have an idea what’s going on
Not a bit, not a speck
It’s your hallucination, things that may never happen
Snap out of it
Good for you
There’s no difference you’re dead or alive
Living or lost
Give it up
When you see the light is gone
Give it up
When you can’t feel the feel no more
When the meaning is gone
What’s in holding on?
When the purpose is forgotten
What’s in fighting hard?
When the breath is already spent
You don’t water a lifeless plant
Then why watering a dead cause
You don’t live a deceased life
Then why watering a departed hope
Accept it
Though grueling it maybe
Be cynical
If that’s meant to be
Is it a stigma?
Is it a rule?
Is it compulsory?
Is it so crucial?
Aren’t we masters of our destiny?
Don’t we own the right?
To rule it as we wish
To ruin it as we please
What’s with all the mockery?
And the ridiculous stupid scorn
The rubbish garbage piles
Of imbeciles, fools and rogues
Patience going loose
Can’t do it, no not more
Slam their face, that’s what I feel
That’d be too easy
Not even necessary
The frustration builds up
Reddening the anger
I control my annoyance
Try clearing my head
Fools will always be fools
Why should I let them get to me?
Need to be strong
To live it up and live
Need to be tough
To make it worth the live
Saying no to something you’d kill for
Cravings you can’t control
Desire you can’t put an end to
Longing, trying too hard to resist
Yearning dying too bad to combust
Wish, wistful to be fulfilled
Aspiration strongly to be achieved
So many wants, wanting
Goals waiting
Targets raising, yet uncared
Stakes higher than ever
Yet there’s no stir, no emotion
Not a hope or answer
Not an inch of progress
Not a spur of belief
Faith is gone
Life is bleak and dark
Reason is lost
So is the purpose
What’s there to be?
What’s there to exist?
If there’s no sense in living
No chance in surviving
I try to fake it
Try to make myself believe
That it’s okay
That it’s fine, and I don’t care
But it hurts
Cuts me deep
Like I’m bleeding inside
I want to run
Somewhere I can expel
Tears build up inside
But they don’t like to roll down
They agree with me
They know I don’t like to look feeble
But I am, aren’t I?
I wish I had something to clutch
To embrace my rumpling self
But again
I look like a masochist
Who would even notice?
Scream without a whisper
Move without a sound
Talk without a whimper
Even if you’re bound
Sleep without a worry
Care without a vista
Run without a hurry
Live it a fiesta
Scamper without panic
Fear without cowardice
Scribbles and Rambles 